Addressing The Issue
by BeehiveOneThreeZer0
Summary: It doesn't have to be over, please give me the chance to prove it.
1. Chapter 1

-_-_-_- Nobody-_-_-_-

Axel turned on his heel, the rusty fluid no longer gracing his lips and washed away. The burn of his throat made him cringe with every breath, but he didn't really care.

He liked himself this way.

Four classrooms over, a lithe blonde was fiddling with a razor blade in his pocket, the metal duct taped to stay dull until he needed it. His headphones were on, blocking him from the harsh world as the music pulled him into oblivion. He glanced over his shoulder at his ex-girlfriend. Three boyfriends later, she was alone, pregnant and tripping LSD. He looked away and bit his lip, closing his eyes as he believed it was his fault. The girl had gone under after he left her, using drugs to drown the pain. His fingers clenched around the hidden blade until the knuckles were white and the edges pricked his skin, and pulling the tension on healing cuts in his wrist.

He'd hit an artery yesterday.

He barely managed to stop the bleeding before becoming lightheaded from blood loss. Hiding his future scar beneath a wrist band, he contemplated his importance.

No one cares about nobodies.

Axel never gave the antisocial blonde a wayward glance as he sat alone at lunch, passed him in the hallways, and sat down in the far corner of one of his classes. He never noticed the blue eyes examining his frail form.

The furthest, most remote location of the school was empty. No one ventured in without reason. Roxas slid into this bathroom, headphones over his hood and hunched over as he meandered into a stall and locked the door. He sat down on the toilet seat, drawing the duct tape covered object out from his pocket and began to rip the imposing material away when he heard the door open. He froze, pulling out his lighter as the sound of footsteps crossed the threshold and entered the stall furthest from him. He lit the lighter and used its flame to sterilize the blade before pulling away his wrist band. He frowned, one had opened earlier that day.

He listened to the sound of rustling material as he drew the blade against his skin roughly; cutting one deep gash into his pale, scar decorated skin. He grabbed some toilet paper and pressed down on it as he heard the sound of vomiting, followed by the smell of stomach acid that made him slightly nauseous. He got the bleeding to stop as the person threw up a couple more times and coughed. Roxas opened his stall quietly and silently pushed open the stall.

He never expected to see a familiar head of red hair, but somehow was not surprised. "You'll kill yourself doing that."

Axel turned sharply and glared at him, wiping a small amount of blood from his lip, "Who asked you?" He croaked harshly.

Roxas looked away and walked out, one word on his lips. "Nobody."

The redhead flushed the toilet and staggered out of the stall. He gripped the edge of the sink in his long fingers and stared at his reflection for what could have been hours. Seeing the possibility of obesity made his stomach churn in response. He washed his face and exited, the blonde's single word reply bitter on his tongue. "Nobody…?"

Axel for the first time saw the blonde in one of his classes, in the hall, and alone at lunch. He watched the muscle of his arm shift as his fingers played with something in his pocket. He favored his left wrist, a checkered band hiding it from view. Roxas caught his eye briefly as they exited for lunch and as the blonde ate alone again.

Axel followed when he disappeared into the bathroom at the other end of the school. Upon entry, the sound of a stall shutting, his stomach twisted, ready to vomit his meal. He slipped into a stall and locked the door this time. The routine stomach acid was familiar to his tongue and he dropped to his knees at the porcelain object. Right before the first lurch wracked his body with release, he noticed the shoes were in the stall next to his.

Once his sin was erased and the toilet was flushed, he looked at the blonde's shoes again. Two drops of blood faintly caught the gleam of something metallic above them and Axel's eyes widened at the nostalgic body fluid. He made out the hum of too loud music and a soft curse. He slipped outside and waited for the blonde to open the stall door, "You'll kill yourself doing that."

"Who cares?"  
Axel felt the one word reply form on the tip of his tongue, but dared not speak it. He watched the blonde, wristband slid up, run his still bleeding wrist under the unforgiving tap water, sealing the wound and he applied pressure until it stopped almost entirely.

Axel counted thirteen major scars as the blonde bandaged himself and slipped the wristband back on top of them. Then he found himself alone in that bathroom, headphone's covering the blonde's ears and the blonde skulking away. The redhead fixated on his reflection, for once not seeing a nightmare but the truth. He washed away the stray droplets of his blood.

"I do," he said to his reflection. "I don't know why, but I do."

The perdiot green eyes flashed as he turned away from his two-dimensional counterpart and rushed outside, almost desperately seeking out someone he knew to distract him from the pull in his mind to chase after a blonde.


	2. Chapter 2

-_-_-_- Anybody-_-_-_-

"Something wrong Axel?"

His grip tightened on a cup, "I'm fine." He could almost sense Larxene's blue eyes examining his figure and the massive amount of food he'd just ingested.

"Bullshit, you look like hell. Cough it up Ax," Larxene commanded, jabbing an accusing finger in his direction. He scowled up at the manicured fingernail. "I'm not leaving you alone until you tell me."

"Don't you have someone else to pester?"

"As a matter of fact, no."

Axel sighed and stood up, sliding away from her with a grimace as she followed him. "I gotta piss." She followed him all the way to the bathroom and huffed an irritated sigh as he went inside.

Axel released a sigh behind the door and rapped his knuckles on the wall as he thought up an excuse. Then he tasted the stomach acid. Closing his eyes for a moment, he tried to fight it. He cursed the lord above when Demyx walked in. "Hey Axel, Larxene hired me to tail you."

"Leave Demyx."

The blonde was shocked at his tone, "Axel… are you okay?"

"No," he slipped towards a stall door and for the first time in a long time, Demyx slipped in between him and the stall. "Move."

"No," Demyx grated. "Not again!"

Axel could taste it well now, "Move Dem."

"NO!"

His stomach lurched and he quickly made his way to the sink, coughing up blood and barely digested food. Demyx covered his mouth in horror. "Not again."

Axel coughed a few times, tears running down his face because of the pain and embarrassment. He felt a hand on his back, "Axel, why do you keep doing this to yourself?"

He looked up at the mirror and saw his blood painted lips, a couple pieces of food clinging to his chin. He wiped away the evidence harshly and ran the sink. Demyx suddenly came forward and punched the mirror, it cracking under his fist. "Dammit Axel! You remember last time don't you!? You're not just doing this to yourself! It hurts all of us!"

Axel avoided his gaze as Demyx shook his head angrily and marched away, afraid of what he might do if he stayed. Larxene was startled by the blonde's expression as he stormed out and didn't risk asking. She waited for Axel to come back out, his eyes fixated on a pair of sneakers. The owner of the black and white sneakers was a blonde, hood up and headphones placed over his ears regardless, head tilted in the direction of his shoes as he kept his eyes closed. A finger tapped the rhythm of the tune only he could hear, Ipod clenched in the same hand.

Larxene didn't say a word when she saw a blood stain on Axel's collar. Roxas opened his eyes when Axel walked over to him. The blue eyes watched as he passed and then turned in the direction of the bathroom, Larxene was the only one who noticed the way he was walking. She recognized the slight limp instantly from a hidden memory.

The next day, she couldn't bring herself to look at him. Demyx was at her side and shocking his food into his mouth in order to keep from saying anything. Larxene noticed, for a change, Axel wasn't eating. He was staring off into space, moving his fork slightly to jostle the overcooked vegetable. "Dem…?" She said softly.

He made a noise of acknowledgement.

"Who's that boy Axel's staring at?"

Axel didn't seem to notice his name. Demyx turned and followed his gaze to see a blonde, hood down and eating slowly. He was completely alone; the few people at his table didn't even notice he was there. For the entire time Demyx watched, the blonde never said a word. "That's the emo kid."

"What's his name?" Larxene insisted.

"Beats me, why don't you go ask him?"

To his shock, she got up and walked over to him. Roxas looked up, startled to see her talking to him. "Hi, my name is Larxene."

"I know," he replied quietly.

"What's your name Blondie?"

"Roxas."

"Would you like to come sit with us?" She offered.

His startling blue eyes flickered to Axel for a brief second that Larxene noticed immediately. "I'm fine here."

"Okay, feel free to come over any time okay?"

He nodded, but she knew he'd never take her up. She walked back over to her table and sat down next to Demyx again, she could feel the green eyes of a particular redhead burning her skin.

Slowly, he slid away from them and she noticed Roxas had disappeared. Before she knew it, Axel was gone too, fading away in the masses of moving students and colorful clothing. Demyx heaved a sigh, not even being asked before he made the walk to the bathroom.

He found Axel unconscious in the bathroom with a bleeding blonde, cell phone to his ear, begging for someone to come help.


	3. Chapter 3

-_-_-_- Somebody-_-_-_-

When Axel woke, a blonde was standing over him. "Roxas?"  
"You wish," the blonde replied.

"Dammit Demyx," he grumbled.

"You shouldn't be talking," a new voice snapped.

He leaned up to see a doctor. Her hair fell over her left eye in red tipped- honey brown. She had golden green eyes and a lithe form. He clip board was in her hand, glasses barely perched on her freckled nose. She shot a glare at the bed next to him, "You two are a mess. You're parents will be here shortly."

"What parents?" the familiar voice snapped in returned. "Mine died in a drive by."

"You're legal guardian then."

He snorted. "As if they cared. I bet you the eight bucks in my pocket they won't show."

"You may be surprised then."

Axel looked over to see Roxas, arm bandaged, and jacket removed he looked almost normal. Normal if you ignored the scars over his arm and the bandage with blood still seeping through it. He swallowed and realized his throat hurt, placing a tentative hand to his throat. Demyx glared at him, Larxene too, her ice blue eyes cutting through his skin and straight into his soul.

Axel's parents burst into the room with tears and warm embraces. His mother smoothed out his hair lovingly and wept, his father looking distraught. Roxas pretended not to notice, but there was a pull in his heart when he was forgotten again. The doctor then asked to see them separately, and they were reluctantly pulled away.

When they returned, they carried the news that Axel was being taken to "Rehab for Troubled Teens." The doctor, a stout woman named Lauren Red, told Roxas when she lost eight dollars.

Axel was the only student to notice, when the lights turned off, he opened his mouth. "I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't be talking." He grated as he rolled away from him and begged for sleep.

"I am sorry." He said again, silencing for the night.

They were transferred the next day. Sitting in a rough circle, Roxas refused to sit near him and dejected himself from everyone's conversations. He simply kept to himself, never saying a word unless spoken to. When he replied, it was short and concise. Axel wished he could reply to the burning questions that were thrown at him by the others and counselor.

Axel never desired the death of his parents more than the moment they released him to that damn clinic. They began monitoring his bathroom breaks, trashcans, windows, and nearly way he could expel the fat from his body. So he refused to eat, moving the food on his plate around in lazy circles. Occasionally he'd hear word of Roxas, 'the antisocial blonde' as everyone called him.

Art was the only thing Axel ever saw the blonde get into, and when he said get into, he really meant it. Roxas was all over the canvas, occasionally tipping it over her pressed his brush so hard against it, and not once did Axel ever get used to the disturbing, grotesque images the blonde painted. He'd surround himself in memories of those paintings, the blood and metal always clear and precise in his mind.

Eventually, the doctors told him that if he refused to eat, they'd feed him with a tube. This prompted him to eat very small amounts. A start, they left him to his devices, his body so weak from hunger it couldn't bear to lose the precious foodstuff. Looking in the mirror was like having a conversation with the sin Gluttony of Hell. He hated himself, hated his parents, his life, the doctors. Anyone that tried to 'help' he hated.

There was only one why didn't ever try, and that person was Roxas. So Axel secluded himself with Roxas, becoming rather antisocial himself. He never failed to notice, the cutting hadn't stopped. Whatever Roxas had at his disposal, even paper, was a weapon. Small paper cuts, rough scrapes, and bruises lined his skin, proving the blonde's determination and stubborn streak. The bandage covered his entire arm and he was under constant supervision, pouring words he wouldn't dare say out in art.

Axel marveled at the boy himself as a piece of art, each scar was like an intricate tattoo in his cream skin. His personality like the music he was now banned from, harsh and laced with symbolism. He represented agony, and the redhead craved to know why. For some reason, he never found a way to speak to the boy.

"Ax."

He looked up sharply. Larxene looked concerned.

"How's Roxas?"

He shrugged.

"He doesn't talk, does he…?"

He shook his head, confused by the question.

She quieted. "Wanna hear a story Axel?" He gestured for her to continue, his throat still prohibiting much conversation. "I had a sister."

He drew back sharply.

"My parents moved here because of her, there were… too many memories in that house."

Axel blinked, a twisting feeling curling through his stomach.

"She was like Roxas," she continued. "A quiet girl that no one really noticed. It makes sick that I was just as oblivious as everyone else. We came home one day, and she was…." Larxene trailed off. "The wall had "Goodbye" written in blood. We found her beneath it."

Axel inhaled sharply, drawing back slightly more into himself.

"My family fell apart. Mom and Dad eventually go divorced and moved away. The memories of my sister haunted that little house we lived in. I went away with my Dad, Mom can't stand to look at me. We looked a lot alike." Her voice was filled with pain and longing.

"Larx…"He whispered, hoarse and wiry due to his healing throat.

"Her name was Namine'," she breathed slowly, tears gnawing at her. "Axel, I know it seems unusual for me to ask you this, but talk to him. He's got to have someone he lives for and I think that person is you. If not, he wouldn't be here."

"What makes you think it's me?" He said softly.

"He's the one that called 911, he was there. He revealed himself to save _you_."

A minor amount of hate curled in Axel's breast, but he hushed it with Larxene's expression of hope and sorrow.

"Don't let him wind up like Nami," her voice broke on the name. "Please." She rushed out before Axel could reply, tears finally falling. Axel noticed Roxas regarding him from afar, turning back to his easel as soon as he saw the green eyes flicker to him.

"Nobody," he whispered to himself, tasting the word all over again. This time, almost like salty ice-cream, bitter and sweet. He stood up and walked over to the blonde, moving an easel up beside him and beginning to paint.

At the end of the day, Roxas's message was clear, and Axel's was still as hidden as when he started. Roxas pretended not to see him, painting his image carefully and quietly, never saying a word. The message was clear, and it made Axel want to cry. It was them, a blonde coated in blood and dead against a equally bloody redhead. Roxas made no outward sign of emotion towards this drawing, his lip twitching slightly to one side before setting crouching down and writing the words 'Glasses Boy' on the bottom of the image. Axel had no idea what those words meant, but the image hurt him.

He looked at Roxas for a moment and then picked up a brush as the blonde stared numbly at the image. Very carefully, he drew a crimson line around his visage's neck. He turned back to Roxas with a blank expression.

The blonde looked horrified, backing away and then rushing away. Emotion covered every aspect of his expression and other rehab people looked confused by this as Axel smirked. He'd finally spoke Roxas's language, breaking through the barrier around him and touched something.

He just wished he knew what.

The next meal, Axel spoke. "Why do you do it?"

Roxas froze. "Why do you?" he countered.

"I hate myself like this," he said. "I'm getting… fat. And you're not answering the question."

Roxas paused, groping soundlessly for and an excuse in his mind. "I…" he stopped.

"You don't have to tell me," Axel replied softly, pushing around some mashed potatoes.

"It's my fault."Axel looked up sharply, confused. "It's my punishment for the pain I've caused; no one else will do it."

"Ever stop to think it's not your fault?"

"It is my fault," he countered. "I'm the reason Kairi's so fucked up. I'm… messed up."

"Kairi?" Axel repeated. "She's the one who got herself pregnant."

"Because she was sad, she wanted someone to be there and I just couldn't do it. I was selfish and she got hurt. I _broke_ her! _IT'S MY FAULT_!"

Roxas cradled his face in his hands, and Axel just looked shocked. "That's not your fault…"

"Yes it is!" He yelled back. "It is my fault! And I don't want your damn pity!"

He took off running. Axel wasn't surprised to find he claimed to be sick the next day and skip out on group. He used the time to process what Roxas had said, and he had a feeling it went deeper than Kairi.

He sought him out the next day, finding the blonde punching a wall continually in his room. "Roxas," Axel started, grabbing him into a head lock. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Let me go! You just don't take a hint do you!?"

Axel let go of him, staring him down the best he could but Roxas quickly overpowered him in it.

"I hate you," he whispered.

"You're lying."

"I fucking hate you," he repeated, dropping downwards onto his knees and covering his ears with his hands, knuckles broken and definitely bruised. "Why won't you just leave me alone? I do nothing but hurt people."

"And what if I did? You'd finally find a way to kill yourself?" Roxas curled into a ball and hid his face in his arms. "Not gonna happen."

"I'll hurt you too," Roxas murmured through his arms.

"Break me Roxas. Break me until there's nothing left. If it's what you want I will gladly shatter for you. I'll break into a billion pieces and never be right again. It's better than where I am now."

Roxas looked up sharply, eyes filled with emotions. "What?"

"I'm unreliable. I'm cruel at times. I'm a son of a bitch all the time. I'm unorthodox. I'm absolutely insane. But- no matter what happens. I'll be here Roxas, make sure you commit that to memory."

"Why? I'm horrible…"

Axel shook his head, "Because only things you care about can hurt you. And you claim to hate me." With that said, he turned on his heel and started to leave. "If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you."

Within the hour, Roxas was in his room, sitting on the edge of his head with his head in his hands. "Story time?"

"Yeah," Roxas muttered, looking up.

"If you tell anyone about this, I'll kill you myself."

"You'd be doing the world a favor," he said tilting his head to give the redhead access to his neck, as if he wanted it to be slit. "By all means."

Axel shook his head and took the space beside him leaned back on his hand, he noticed Roxas was shaking in the same second he did. "Where do you want to start?"

Roxas swallowed and began telling his story… "It all started when I was nine."

_I opened the door to see a couple scary looking men in clean deep blue jackets and mean faces. "Hello," one cooed as he knelt down to his level. "Are you Roxas?" _

_"Uh huh," I replied. "Who are you?"_

_"I'm sorry Roxas, but you're going to have to come with us."_

_"Nu UH! Mommy and Daddy told me to wait here."_

_He took off his deep black sunglasses and thought for a moment. "Roxas," he started. "Mommy and Daddy won't be coming home."_

_The redhead one looked sad. The big guy with sunglasses didn't seem to have much emotion at all. He just put his sunglasses back on. "Did they go on a trip? Can I go?"_

_"No. And let's hope not," the redheaded one said. _

_The scary men took me to my aunt's house. I was to live there with my cousin, Sora. He was already a teenager, 16 and absolutely stunning to look at. His boyfriend, a year older than him, came over more times than not. _

Roxas paused and Axel could tell this was where it god hard for him. He bit his lip and continued.

_I had to share a room with him. He had brown hair and the same eyes as me, deep blue, from my great, great grandfather Ventus. I stayed with them until… until Sora got rid of me. _

_You see, when I moved there Sora took a… liking to me. He was told to babysit me and he hated it. So he asked me a lot of weird questions that I wouldn't understand for a few years or so. He was basically getting all of my personal life. I was nine, I didn't have one, so Sora took it upon himself to give me one. "Consider it payment for watching over you," he always said. _

Axel drew back slightly. "He…"

"He raped me." Roxas confirmed, fingers clenched in his pants. "I wouldn't understand that for a few more years either."

He quietly waited for him to continue.

_When I turned thirteen, and Sora had pretty much broken me in. He got bored with me I guess, because the next thing I knew, I was getting kicked out. Sora claimed that I had tried to kill him, and I was kicked out. I wandered the streets for a while before I was picked up by child services and forced back into the household. Sora moved out and Riku went with him, but the hatred my former family members harbored towards me showed. They don't care if I'm alive or dead._

"That's pretty much it," Roxas concluded. "I cut for several reasons. One to feel pain, heaven knows I've gotten so used to it I don't feel it anymore. Two because no one else seems to want to hurt me for the pain I've caused. So I do it myself. I blame myself for things that I have every right to be blamed for…I'm hardly human anyway."

Axel opened his mouth to speak but no words came.

"Anyway, this is story time right? What's yours?"

"Nothing like that," Axel said guiltily. "I just have this complex because my mother called me fat. I used to be a chubby little kid and when I was a teenager, mom continued to say I should lose some weight and I did the only way that seemed to work. Besides… it felt good."

"It… felt good? What does it feel like?"

Axel thought for a moment, "Like…" he paused, looking for the right words, "like sex."

Roxas smirked and Axel was caught off guard by it. He hadn't expected him to find it amusing, he'd just said it because it was the first thing that came to mind, humorous or not.

"No really, it's like an orgasm" Axel confirmed. "Every single time."

Roxas chuckled softly to himself. His experience with sex wasn't that great, but he understood what he meant. "You could just say 'release'," he joked.

"That too," Axel said with a smile.

Roxas couldn't hold it back, he laughed. An actual laugh, not one of those 'haha very funny' laughs but actual, genuine laughter. It made Axel proud of himself and fill with a mysterious warmth. He wanted him to laugh more often.

A couple weeks went by and they became close friends. The both of them were there against their will but enjoying themselves as best they could. It usually involved Axel coming up with some elaborate prank and them carrying it out, occasionally with Demyx or Larxene's help on the other rehab people or doctors. (The doctors were more fun, they always got so peeved.)

Axel barely noticed he was gaining weight. Roxas's cuts healed into scars and for the most part, he had stopped inflicting damage on himself. It worried the doctors that he never had any visitors, but they soon realized Axel's visits were just as much his. A bond had formed between the two boys and Axel was happy about it, he ignored that stupid part of his brain that told him to hate Roxas for getting him in this mess. He'd found it impossible to deny the actual smiles and bright blue eyes that stared into his soul.

It would all change in one mere moment. Axel heard Roxas's name called for a visitor, the two assumed it would be Demyx or Larxene, and the look on Roxas's face horrified Axel the second the owner of a brown hair and blue eyes walked up to him. "Hey Roxie."

Roxas let out a yelp and ducked back behind Axel. The redhead just glared at him, nails biting into his palm as he clenched his fists.

"Didn't you miss me while I was away in college?"

Roxas clung to Axel for dear life, the fabric threatening to rip under the pressure. A sinister grin that carved its way into his otherwise perfect, angelic façade crossed the brunette's expression expression.

"Who's your friend?" The visitor sneered. "He's kind of cute."

Axel snarled, Roxas's grip tightened. "You must be Sora," he spat.

"Who I am is of no concern_ you _pretty boy, I'm just here to take Roxas home."

"NO." Roxas said firmly.

"Excuse me?"  
"NO!" Roxas yelled. "I'm not going!"

"I'm afraid you don't have a choice," he reached down to the side of Axel and gripped Roxas's wrist. He began to try and pull away the struggling, weaker blonde. Something inside Axel snapped, and the next thing he realized, his fist was smashing into Sora's left eye. The tiny blonde scurried away from the hold Sora had on him and hid behind Axel.

"You little bitch!" Sora screamed, "you actually think that piece of shit cares about you!? He'll stab you in the back in a flat second! He's nothing but a dirty little whore!"

Axel growled deep in his throat, but didn't say a word, afraid of getting himself in more trouble. Roxas flinched at the words, obviously being affected by them.

Sora felt a hand on his shoulder he looked up to see a Roxas's counselor, a blonde known as Jelly by all her friends and patients. "I think it's time you left."

He spat out a cuss word as he got up on his feet, "you see what that little shit did to me?"

"As far as I'm concerned he was protecting a friend, leave now before I call security."

Sora stared at her incredulously, glared at Axel and Roxas and spat the words, "I'll be back to take the little slut home," before turning away from them and leaving. Jelly fixated a warning look on Axel and he apologized.

"Why did you punch Roxas's only visitor?"

"He was taking him away," Axel said softly. "Back to that… place."

"I understand," she said firmly. She walked away with a soft smile and a wave, not even bothering to warn him. "Group is in ten minutes."

Roxas was taken away for examination of some sort, then Axel was pulled aside for a phone call. It was beyond visiting hours and his parents had something important to share with him. "Mom?"

"Dad actually, unless something has gone horribly, utterly wrong."

"Very funny," he replied. "What's up?"

"How are you doing?"

"I'm alright I guess."

"We called to tell you something very important."

"So I've heard."

"A friend of yours is moving in with us."

"What?" Axel stammered. "Who?"

"A boy named." There was static from the rustle of paper. "Roxas Miller."

Axel's heart skipped a beat, "Roxas? Really?"

"You sound excited, why is it I've never heard of this Roxas boy?"

"We... didn't really know each other until recently. Why are you doing this for me?"

"Because you're our son, and we love you."

"Ugh, dad GAY."

His dad laughed. "You want to tell your friend of should we?"

"No no, I'll tell him. When are you going to let us leave?"

"Tomorrow actually."

"REALLY!?" Axel practically screamed into the tiny speaker.

"_Yes_," his father grated, probably fighting a migraine now. "Really. Get your stuff ready, the nurses and whomever already know."

"I love you dad, give mom a hug for me."

"And you said _I _was gay. Later son," his father joked.

"See you tomorrow."

"Bye."  
"Bye!" Axel slammed the phone into it's cradle and began the Roxas hunt.

He was practically skipping to Roxas's room, but when he got there, his tune immediately changed. He found Roxas with a fork in hand, arm bleeding like hell and four identical puncture wounds in the bend of his elbow, slumped up against the wall. "ROXAS!"

He did the insane reaction and dropped down to his knees in front of him. Grabbing his shoulders he shook him ever so slightly into consciousness. "Why Roxas WHY!?"

"Because Sora's… right."

"FUCK SORA!" He was going to kill that son of a bitch. "Roxas! You're not going home with him, You're going with _ME. _My parents are taking you home with ME Roxas."

A nurse burst into the room and gasped, calling for backup. "It's too late…"

"It doesn't have to be," Axel countered. "Please, give me a chance to prove it."

The nurse pushed him away and Axel was ushered away from the room. He didn't sleep that entire night, constantly being awoken by the image of the blonde against that wall, blood pouring from his wound and in his dream it spread across the walls and floor. His painting suddenly became a reality, and when he waited for the brush to take his life too, the shock woke him.

Roxas was surprisingly allowed to leave with Jelly's permission and Axel carried his stuff to the car, his arm was useless in that current time.

They didn't look back as they climbed into the backseats and were taken away from that horrible place.


	4. Chapter 4

-_-_-_-Everybody-_-_-_-

The roar of the speakers consumed the household. A song that's base could be heard from a mile from the house blared. Axel and Roxas were alone in the small household and left top their own devices, so like rehearsed, they pulled out a six pack of grape soda, every candy, popcorn, and nacho like substance from the house, and got on a sugar rush while watching Jackass before blasting the speakers like maniacs. The best way to destroy your hearing was with friends, so Demyx and Larxene were there when they heard the news. It was the first time they had the house since the return from rehab, and the two friends were happy to join in on the celebration party. Demyx had a six pack in his trunk… just in case someone decided to get shitfaced.

Being true friends, they turned the small get together into a house party, invinting everyone Axel knew. They weren't entirely sure who Roxas knew very well, so they invited people they thought he'd like. Larxene, and Xion were in the heat of table dancing, Demyx, Braig, Even, Marluxia, and a few others all throwing chips and whatever else they could find to signify currency. Axel was in the kitchen with Roxas, a quieter location. "You liking this?" he asked. "Be honest."

"It's…" Roxas couldn't figure out a word.

"Fun. Irritating. Noisey." Axel supplied the words.

"The last one."

He laughed. "You get used to it, want me to get rid of them?"

Roxas peeked in to see Larxene using a boy's shirt as a helicopter. It was Demyx's, and the blonde was practically drowning in his own drool. "No. It's kinda… fun."

Axel smiled in spite of himself. "Want to join in?"

"No."

"Aw come on Roxas, with all that music you listen to you've got to be good at dancing!"

"No Axel!"

Axel grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the group. The two girls temporarily jumped down as Axel climbed up and started cheering. It suddenly seemed like every girl in the city was present, Roxas blanching at all the random faces. Axel laughed at his expression and massaged his shoulders, trying to get him to relax a bit. "Just have fun! No one cares if you can't dance."

He started disco dancing, followed by the Macarena, and a pelvic thrust… just to prove a point. "Tik Tok" came on and to Axel's surprise, Roxas danced. He was with his hips, making the dance look more like sex than a dance. He reached down and took Xion's hand, Larxene took Axel's and they were used a props in a rather sexual Grind. Demyx just hooted, throwing an actual dollar and a few pennies.

After the song, Xion meandered into the kitchen to see a tall figure. He had silver hair and a cocky smile that made her knees give out. "Hello," she said smoothly. "I don't think we've met."

He glanced over his shoulder, turning away from another stunning figure. "Hello," he greeted in a deep, velvet tone. "I'm Riku, and you are?"

She smiled, the man's turquoise eyes flickered to the person he'd been talking to and then a smile crept across his face as he looked down at the girl's big, innocent blue eyes.

Roxas wandered outside with Axel, a huge grin splayed across his features. The redhead marveled at it, disbelieving that he had cracked into the boy's shell and made him socialize. They exchanged some genuine, crystalline laughter and settled down on the porch swing. They had quieted down and stared off into the night sky as the music changed into something more mysterious. Roxas recognized the words and started moving his lips to synchronize with the song "Nothing and Everything".

A muffled sob caught their attention. Axel jerked over to the sound to see a girl, clinging to her leather jacket for dear life, smudges of mud and scrapes lining her otherwise bare body. Roxas's eyes widened when he saw her. "Xion?!"

Axel stood, mesmerized as Roxas rushed over to her. Her eyes were wide, breath ragged, and cold as ice to the touch. The second Roxas's hand touched her face she screamed and jerked away. Axel came out of his trance at the sound and the music suddenly turned down. He bolted inside for a phone. Larxene looked out and went back inside, returning with a blanket as the crowd began to quickly form at the back door, curious and horrified. Xion clutched at the blanket for dear life, sobbing and muttering out a broken syllable.

"What is it Xion?" Larxene soothed as they led her inside. "You can tell us."

They took her to a bed room and laid her down, covering her tightly in the blanket. They immediately knew what had happened to her from the amount and location of her blood. Axel followed shortly afterward, "The cops are on their way."  
"Cops?!" someone yelled. "Oh shit- I gotta get out of here."

"NO!" Roxas screamed. "The more people here the better, four eyes see more than two, someone here must have seen something."

Xion's hand grabbed him and her big blue eyes bore holes into his soul. The one word she formed with her lips and voice made the air go cold, a rigid air filling the room suddenly. "Sora."

The cops appeared in minutes. Roxas cradled his head in his hands in the station, waiting for his witness account, they had finished with Axel and he stayed with the blonde for support. "It's my fault."

"It's not your fault."

"It wouldn't have happened if not for me."

"You can't blame yourself for that son of a bitch."

"I could have stopped it."

"No, you didn't know. No one did."

"You asked me if I wanted the noise to stop, I could have ended it there."

"You didn't know Roxas," Axel assured, laying a hand on the blonde's back. "How could have you."

"He came looking for ME," Roxas emphasized. Axel looked away. "You see? If it wasn't for MY being there, Xion would still be a virgin. It's all my fault."

"I have a personal belief about that," Axel said smoothly. "Xion may not physically be virgin, but she is in spirit. Until she willing gives it to someone, she's a virgin in my book."

"Tell that to her," Roxas muttered brokenly.

"Hey," Axel said, running his fingers down Roxas's spine. "We'll get through this."

Roxas sat up some to look at him, Axel gave a reassuring smile as they came to take him for his account. The blue eyes suddenly filled with a determination he didn't recognize and he walked into the room with a rigid posture, only one goal in mind.

That night, Roxas let go of his pride and told them everything. When he walked back out to go home, a fresh clean feeling radiated from him and he never felt more whole in his life. Even if nothing could be done, he had made his account memorable. Axel wasn't even punished for the wild party, there was no alcohol present and there was nothing the police felt they should press upon him.

Still, no one slept that night.

There was not enough evidence to convict them.


	5. Chapter 5

-_-_-_-Homebody-_-_-_-

Xion dropped out of public school for a private, all girl's school. Roxas was plagued by nightmares, horrified that Sora would find him and punish him for being a 'rat.' Axel had noticed the blonde was becoming antisocial again, withdrawing into himself, but didn't let the blonde completely disappear.

"Roxas," Axel tried for the fifth time.

The blue eyes fixated on green only mere inches from his. "What?"

"You spaced out on me."

Roxas made a sound of acknowledgement. "Sorry."

The redhead sighed and turned back to the laptop, flipping through his email. "You okay Rox?"

"I'm fine," Roxas replied.  
"Liar," Axel sighed. "You're thinking about something you shouldn't."

"And what would that be?"

"How am I supposed to know?" Axel sneered, poking him in the forehead. "They're your thoughts. Now you've made me curious."

Roxas quieted. "Sora."

"You still worried about that?"

"I have every right to be," he snapped. "Sora ruined someone else's life last time he came near me. Next time…. He might…"

"If your worried about _me_," Axel assured, reading into Roxas's tone, "don't. I can handle myself."

"He said you were cute."

"I am cute." He said with a cocky grin. "Not my favorite compliment, I prefer sexyilicious."

Roxas chuckled. "That you are."

"Going gay on me Roxas?"

"Only for you," Roxas toyed, dragging this on. "You're just so SEXY I can't resist."

"Then maybe I should…" Axel toyed with his shirt, faking being hot "turn up the heat."

"I might like that."

Axel took off his shirt and threw it somewhere. "I should call Dem. He'd love this."

"I don't think that's necessary," Roxas replied on a husky breath, still just playing with him. "Why don't you and I forget about Dem for a little while?"

"Woah tiger, save it for the honey moon." Axel laughed.

Roxas made a soft sound of acknowledgement before fading into his thoughts again. He came back from his world to see Axel's face inches away from his. "Stop thinking about him."

"I can't," Roxas admitted. "I just… can't, I've tried and failed."

"Maybe you need a hobby, something to do to keep your mind off it."

"I had music before, but it doesn't seem to work anymore."

"Try drawing or writing."

"Not my thing," Roxas said, his lip twitching in distaste.

Axel thought for a moment, "You could get a girlfriend."

"Like a girl would date me."

"A boy then," he teased.

Roxas looked up at him sharply and it caught the redhead off guard. It was an expectant, hopeful gleam he'd seen in the brief flash of blue. It fled the second it arrived, leaving a quiet heaviness in the air. Then, almost like a question, he pressed his lips to Roxas's cheek. The blonde flushed and jerked away, looking into the shining leaf green eyes and noted how pretty they were. Like leaves, a fresh start to a new life. He calmed, disappearing into the gemstones locked in the redhead's irises. Slowly, and almost without consciousness, he leaned forward and captured those lips, the burn of ice on his cheek.

Axel returned the soft gesture and allowed the blonde to deepen it. Then Roxas withdrew, looking sheepish and afraid of what could happen to their relationship. "Should we be doing this?"

"Why the hell not?"

"I don't want to lose you too, I don't want to hurt me."

"What was it I said to you before Roxas? By all means," he moved in so close that his breath tickled Roxas's ear, "break me. I'm yours to shatter."

Roxas heaved a ragged sigh and Axel pulled away. A hand clamping down on his shoulder spun him back around into a bruising kiss. He released a breath of air before returning it, running his tongue against his bottom lip. Roxas granted him the access, deepening the kiss. He panicked when he was starting to slip downward onto the couch.

"What's wrong?" Axel inquired, worried at the blonde's expression.

Roxas trembled slightly beneath him, "I-it's just…"

"Oh," he realized, pulling away and off of the teen. "Sorry, temporarily forgot."

"No, I'm sorry," Roxas replied shakily.

"We can't both be sorry for the same thing Rox, it gets us nowhere," Axel joked.

He managed a shaky laugh. "It happens."

Axel shrugged, rising to a stand. "Want a soda?"

Roxas nodded. "I'd like that."

The redhead pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead and meandered into the kitchen. Roxas let out a sigh of annoyance and hit himself in the forehead with the base of his hand. "Why am I so pathetic…?" he whispered to himself. "Ah stupid, stupid, stupid." He emphasized each word with a light tap from the base of his hand with his forehead.

Axel returned with a grape soda in his hand, holding out a cup with ice and the bubbling purple fluid inside. He himself wiped off a can with his shirt and opened it with practiced ease before downing nearly half of it without care. They turned on something random and stupid to pass the time, ignoring the awkwardness in exchange for Men In Black.

"Roxas?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Sorry again."

"Stop apologizing."

Axel bit his lower lip. "Can't help it. I feel bad."

"I'm fine."

"You lie a lot for an honest person."He heaved a sigh; Axel put a hand on his shoulder. "Relax, I won't do anything until you're ready." Axel threw in a wink for amusement, getting a soft laugh in return.

"Thanks."

"No problem, just be sure you tell me when I get too rough, I'm not exactly the most patient person in the world."

Roxas smiled, his crying angel expression glorified in the act. As if on cue the hum of the garage door alerted them and they turned their attention back to slobbering aliens and guys in black.

Axel's parents came bounding into the room, shopping bags in tow with the unfortunate father. "I'm home my lovelies!"

Axel stuck out his tongue. "Lovely isn't a favorite compliment either."

"Do you really want your mother saying your sexy?"

"Think I'll pass," he replied easily.

His dad dropped a mass amount of bags to the floor. Roxas gawked at it.

"We went out and got Roxas a new wardrobe! But don't worry we got our little aku some stuff too."

"I'm flattered."

Roxas just gawked at the massive amount of stuff, "Is that really all for me?"

"Sure is! You've had such a rough time lately and all, we figured we could get your mind off of it with STUFF!"

"Her idea," his dad grumbled. "I thought it was kinda gay."

Axel smirked at the gay comment, unable to help himself. The blonde wandered over to the mass off random articles of clothing. He picked up one bag and pulled out a pair of Tripp pants from Hot Topic. He smiled, caressing the fabric under his fingers. "Thank you. Thank you so much!" He bolted over to Axel's mother to wrap her in a warm embrace. She smiled and patted his head, "Why don't you go try one some things?"

He grabbed several bags and disappeared into his, the once spare, bedroom. Axel let out a released sigh. "He needed that."

"Needed what?" His dad asked.

"A break, he's earned it."

They all exchanged a nod. "You're still grounded for that party, mister."

He smiled nervously as Roxas walked out in a black trench coat, floor length and made of faux leather and vinyl. He had a grin plastered to his face, turning around in the solid black outfit, adorned with chains. "It's amazing," he breathed.

"Next!" Axel's mother demanded. "Lots to try on!"

He nodded and grabbed another bag before bolting back into his room. Three hours later, Roxas had an absolute favorite. A white checkered jacket with red lining, black and zipper shirt, and Kaki-black pants. He radiated happiness, but Axel could still feel the heaviness in the air whenever there was a pause in the fun. Roxas was troubled, and he felt the desire to do so.


	6. Chapter 6

-_-_-_-Everything-_-_-_-

Axel pressed a kiss to his neckline. "Axel," Roxas keened.

He pulled away immediately, "too far?"

"Not far enough," the blonde moaned, dragging him down again for a bruising kiss. They engaged in a battle to tongue, sliding slick muscle against another to decipher dominance.

"How far is too far?" Axel asked when they came back for air.

"I'll let you know when we get there," he muttered, pressing a chaste kiss on Axel's neck with a delicate lick afterwards.

Axel groaned and could feel his primal instincts kicking in, he wanted sex and he wanted it bad. He captured the blonde's lips again and reinstated his dominance. "If," kiss, "you don't stop me," lick, groan, "now I," groan and kiss, "might not be able to."

Roxas proved his point by shedding his shirt, sliding his hands under Axel's. The redhead jolted at the cold touch of fingertips against his warm skin. "You're sure?"

"As sure as I'll ever be," Roxas purred, slipping the fabric off him with ease.

Axel shook his head sharply and kissed him again, letting his hands caress the muscles and contours of the form close to him. He licked Roxas's earlobe, eliciting a muffled groan in response. "Okay," he breathed. "You'll tell me if I go too far right? Promise?"

"Promise," Roxas murmured as Axel's fingers gripped the button to his pants.

With practiced ease, the button was undone and the blonde gasped as something roughly brushed against his length through his boxers. He released a ragged breath as he was freed and the warm shield was pushed away. The head of red hair slowly descended lower until he was breathing on the solid member before him. Roxas's fingers curled into fists and he bit his lip in frustration as a tongue touched his head, testing his flavor before taking it into his mouth. The blonde's fingers intertwined in the long red spikes, fighting the urge to grip them tightly as half attempts at names poured from his lips.

Axel drug his tongue along the shaft and savored the taste in case he never got this far again, taking the throbbing length into his throat and moaning at the sensation of it. His gag reflex eventually triggered and he drew back with a deliberate suck, a salty fluid attracting his attention. Roxas could feel the brush of his teeth, the pressure, the pure unbridled lust of the act, and more all at once and was being consumed by it, his fears forgotten as Axel suckled at him. "I'm getting really," he was delayed in his speech by a hard suck to the tip, tongue flicking against the slit, "close."

"Mhm…" Axel hummed in response, the vibrating doing wondrous things. Roxas moaned softly, fingers clenching in red hair as he came into his mouth with a rush of air. The elder took it all and licked his lips with a sly smirk. Roxas panted as he went numb from exertion, Axel settling on top of his chest happily. Roxas ran his hands through the crimson spikes and caught his breath.

"That was amazing," the blonde breathed.  
"Glad you enjoyed it," he replied happily.

Roxas couldn't help the soft laugh that bubbled out of his throat.

_"Do you know where your heart is?"_Axel cursed and reached into his pants pocket, fishing out a blocky cell phone and flipped it open. Roxas smiled as he began a choppy greeting with what sounded like Larxene.

"She wants to talk to you, you capable?"

Roxas nodded and took the phone away abruptly, redressing himself with his free hand as he sat up. Axel smiled as he wandered out of the room with the phone and turned on the television to distract himself. A couple minutes into Robot Chicken and his brain was beginning to keel over. Roxas came back as the show came to a close. "How is she?"

"She's fine," Roxas replied curtly.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine," he huffed.

"Liar. What'd she want?"

He didn't answer.

"Roxas?"

"Hmmmmm?"

"Seriously, you okay?"

"Aren't I always?"  
"No," he replied curtly, sighing as he admitted defeat.

Roxas slipped out of the room and into the bathroom, arousing Axel's suspicion. He checked the caller ID to see an unknown number, briefly wondering who it was. "Roxas!?"  
"What!?" was the agitated response.

"Who was that?"

The door opened and Roxas sat down beside him again, perfectly calm. "Kairi."

"Kairi?" Axel repeated. "How'd kairi get my number?"

"You're very popular Ax, someone probably gave it to her."

Axel read the blonde's monotone as irritation, "anything I can do?"

"Take this away from me," he held out a closed hand and Axel allowed something rectangular to be pressed into his palm.

He looked down to see a wrapped razor blade. "Roxas…"

"What?"

"What's on your hands…?"

"Dammit," Roxas replied, looking at the dried crimson fluid and trying to hide it.

"Why?" Axel demanded to know, "why would you do that?"

"You know why. I don't like repeating myself."

He drew back slightly, being easily defeated by the blonde's expression but his attachment made him waver in his resolve to back down. "Roxas, why do you keep doing this?"

Roxas looked away, not wanting to say it again. Axel sighed and a quiet heaviness lingered in the room. Roxas rose to a stand and made his way towards the door, stopping to dig into a jacket pocket before slipping outside with a packet of cigarettes, leaving Axel alone for a while.

He would not follow him, pride taking over the empowering urge in his heart to go after the blonde, but he couldn't do it. Eventually, Roxas came back inside, putting the cigarettes back into the jacket exactly as they were. "You smoke?"

"On occasion," Roxas replied smoothly, "makes me feel like less of a douche bag."

Axel released a breath of air and waited for the weight to return to his left side as he sat down on the couch with him. "Rox…. I-."

Roxas was quiet, blinking slowly before glancing over at him.

"I…" He cursed to himself and took Roxas's hand in his, pressing something into his palm and closing Roxas's fingers around it. "I trust you." He put all of his heart into his eyes, trying- almost begging- into the blue eyes that stared at him with a strange expression.

Axel rose to a stand and disappeared into his room, only when Roxas heard the door shut and lock did he look down at the razor blade in his hand.


	7. Chapter 7

Roxas gave Kairi a passive glance, becoming more aware of Axel's hand in his and trying to ignore the massive pang of guilt in his chest. With his free hand, he turned on his music and continued walking, eyes low. Axel tilted his head at him as he could vaguely hear I Will Not Bow by Breaking Benjamin. He walked with him to his class a few rooms away from his own and pressed a kiss to his hair, Roxas coloring slightly. "See you after class."

Axel slipped away from him, and immediately missed the contact of Roxas's warm skin. He went to began the short trek to his history class in silence, "Wait."

He stopped immediately, turning to see Roxas looking at him. "Have a good day."  
"You too," he lingered there, staring at the blonde with curiosity before the bell rang. He cursed and hurried off.

Roxas slowly walked into class, but was stopped by a hand clamping down on his arm. He didn't have to look to see who it was. "gimme a sec," he pleaded. Leaning into the room he told the teacher he would be going to the bathroom and she let him leave, allowing the small girl to lead him out of the range of security cameras near the bathroom.

He wanted to die when the blue eyes that belonged to Kairi looked expectant of him and at the same time, hurt.

Axel rushed out of his class the second the bell rang, eager to see Roxas, finding the blonde confronted by a tiny redhead with a grim expression. He recognized her immediately, sliding up to Roxas for support. "Hey Kairi."

She glared at him, "Axel."

He ignored her hard glare, though it sent a chill up his spine, "you okay?"

"Is _he_ okay?" she blurted. "It's all HIS fault."

This drew a sharp glare from Axel, "Excuse me?"

"It's all _his _fault, none of this would have happened if it wasn't for him."

Roxas stood there and took it, head low and mind taking the blunt of every attack.

"I called to see if he was getting his just reward to find him with YOU," she snapped, pointing at Axel. "He doesn't _deserve _to be happy."

"You know what, you're a bitch." Axel retorted sharply. Roxas laid a hand on his shoulder.

"She's right."

"No she's _not _Roxas, why can't you see that?"

He was silent as Kairi rolled her eyes and stormed off, angry. "I hope you're happy."

He felt Roxas flinch, his hand sliding away. "I'm sorry."

"Why? You did nothing wrong."

"She's right," he repeated, leaving Axel alone and depreciated.

A week passed and Roxas refused to speak about it, not even Axel could break the barrier the blonde had put around himself. Yet, whenever Kairi, Larxene, Demyx, or anyone else approached him, he acted happy and carefree. It was so normal it drove Axel insane.

"Hey Roxas, you coming?"

Roxas avoided his gaze. "I think I'll walk."

"You sure? Demyx is giving us a ride."

"Nah. I'll just walk," the blonde turned and walked away.

Axel thought nothing of it until it was seven O'clock and the blonde wasn't home. He panicked, calling everyone he could in order to try and find the blonde. Eventually, he was carted in by Demyx, a little pissed off. "Roxas!" Axel yelled, surprised.

"Whaaaaat?!" he yelled back, agitated.

"Where have you _been!?_ I was looking everywhere for you!"

"I told your Mom I was going to a party."

Axel looked hurt, "Mom isn't here! She said you didn't know where you are!"

"Well she lied! I told her where I was going!"

"How am I supposed to know that!? I was worried about you!"

Demyx looked out of place, slipping outside during the turmoil. He waited until he saw Roxas storm outside with an extremely enraged look on his face. "Where are you going?"

"Home."

Demyx watched as he began running away, Axel burst outside a few moments later, looking distraught. "Dammit," he punched a wall, a tear sliding down his face.

"What happened?" Demyx asked, confused and startled.

"He's breaking up with me," Axel whimpered.

"Come on now, don't be harsh, he'll come out of it."

"No he won't Demyx," Axel snapped. "He's running away, he's breaking up with me."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to know where he was."

"That doesn't make any sense," Demyx soothed.

The phone rang a few hours later, Roxas was on the line yelling about how he started a fight with his family because he'd called him in his fear and they were kicking him out again because of something he said. Demyx offered to let him stay with him, but he refused. Axel waited patiently for the phone call to end with an angry "It's over" before breaking down into tears.

-----

my comments

Don't critic roxas too harshly for that.


	8. Chapter 8

-_-_-_-Nothing-_-_-_-

Half a week passed and Roxas was back together with Kairi.

Axel was a shell of his former self and actually resorted to cutting once, Demyx and Larxene found out and he was banned from every sharp object in the house _and _thrown in therapy because they told his parents. He hated them for it, loathing every day when he was forced to take anti-depressants just to keep from killing himself.

One day, he couldn't take the nagging sense that he needed to say something, and with a little encouragement from friends, he poured his heart and soul into an email addressed to the infamous blonde.

"I don't know why at 10:56 at night I HAVE to do this, but I feel like I HAVE to. I HAVE to talk to you in some form or fashion so I'm talking to you the way I do best.

Heaven knows I can't talk worth shit.

But I CAN type. I'm doing really well too, so… I'm writing you this letter.

More or less a letter I wish I didn't have to right.

But I have to.

I really… just have to. No dramatic OMG ATTENTION WHORE reasoning… I just… want to more than anything right now. I want to send you this. (I'm doing much better on the attention whoring btw)

…. Well shit. I have to send you a letter I've rehearsed in my head a billion times… and now that I'm sitting down and trying to write it- I draw a blank.

Well. I guess I'm winging it then huh? Let's try and get this on the road.

…. Try again.

Roxas, I fucking love you. Unconditionally. Without any real reason behind it. God smite me now because I've tried to stop. I have tried. It was a damn short lived effort, and I'll admit to that, but I tried regardless. It's inevitable. I miss you…" he paused, trying to find the correct words and phrases, "I've stopped hiding from myself, what everyone sees is who I am. I'm happier I guess. But that could just be the medication.

I know it's late. But I'm sorry. I'm sorry I love you. I'm sorry I cause nothing but trouble. I'd break up with me too. I'm horrible at relationships. Now that I've calmed down I can see it. I was a bitch. I was terrible…

I'm sorry.

Nothing you can say will change my view on that. I'm a selfish and horrid excuse for a boyfriend…" he paused again, sighing heavily and running a hand through his hair. "I know it's pointless for me to tell you all this. Sorry's a fucking word with a mediocre and heavy meaning but… doesn't it help to say and hear it? I'd rip out my heart for you Roxas if that's what it took.

I'm sorry.

I hope you can accept that… If you want to date Kairi, even though I know in my heart, like all teenage relationships, it will break your heart when it ends… I'll support you. I'll be here when the world falls down. I just want you to know that. You can always. ALWAYS count on me.

I'm unreliable. I'm cruel at times. I'm a bitch all the time. I'm unorthodox. I'm absolutely insane.

But- no matter what happens. I'll be here.

Why? Because I love you. I want you to be happy.

That's all I want. Your happiness over all things in this world. A moment in time as I lay dying doesn't even compare to my desire for you to be happy.

… I guess that's all I have to say. I know it's probably late. I know it doesn't matter. Hell, you probably won't get this for a long… long time after I've written and sent it to you.

You don't get on much… which makes it all the more oppressing.

I'm sorry.

For everything.

I don't regret it, but I'm sorry it ended. Because only things you care about can hurt you. And I did do that.

I'm sorry that I don't regret anything.

I'm sorry for being sorry.

I've probably overused the word to the point it means nothing.

Nothing. Nothing at all. Exactly what this entire message complies to. It doesn't do that hell I experience everyday justice. I love you Roxas. That's what it all comes down to.

~Axel"

He sighed and wavered at the send button, hand shaking slightly and biting his lip as the confirming click seemed to echo in the small room. He logged out and stood up as soon as the message was sent and went about his way.

That night, the phone rang. A glance at caller ID told him his heart was about to shatter, he flipped it open and hit send slowly. "Hullo…?"

"I love you Axel."

He closed his eyes and hoped to die in that instant.

--

The next day was whimsical, carefree and unfathomed. Everything seemed to fall into place in a perfect, synchronized way that made him complete. The icing of the cake of life was Roxas, walking up to him with a delicate smile. "Hey Axel."

"Hey."

He sat down beside him, ignoring Kairi's protective, indignant yell as Axel's group drew her away from them. There was a brief silence, "So how ya doing?"

"I'm alright."

"That's good."

Silence consumed them again and Larxene decided to take it upon herself to break it by starting a small conversation. "So how's your family doing Roxas?"

He shrugged, "Usual shit."

"Sora giving you any trouble?"

"He's gone back to college from what I heard."

"Son of a bitch can rot in hell for all I care," Axel snapped.

"Protective are we?" Larxene cooed.

"To the point of madness," he confirmed with a bitter edge.

Larxene shivered from the negative energy surrounding the two of them. "Where have you been staying?"

"Kairi's," he said plainly.

Axel opened his mouth, but no words came out. He sighed then choked out the words, "you can always come back."

Roxas was quiet. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"You'll never know until you try."

He quieted again, lips parting for a brief moment. "Okay."

"You'll come back."

"For a little while," he offered, as much a question as it was an answer. "If it gets weird, I'll leave… I promise."

"You don't have to promise."  
"I want to."

They exchanged a tender look and Axel managed a delicate smile. "Alright then."


	9. Chapter 9

-_-_-_-Nowhere-_-_-_-

Roxas walked back into the house with a strange expression, Axel closed the door behind him but did not lock it. "Everything is how you left it."

He nodded. "Okay."

"Want a soda?"

"Sure," he replied, sitting down on the couch with an odd air around him. Axel disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a Dr. Pepper. "I heard you liked them."

"Thanks," he said softly, taking the can from him and popping it open. He downed the entire thing and watched television until the garage door opened. Axel's mother and father filed in a moment or so later. "Roxas?"

He looked up at the eyes of Axel's mother. "Hey."

She wrapped him in a warm embrace, lifting him off the couch. "we were so worried about you, where have you been?"

"A friends. I got kicked out."

"Axel hasn't been the same without since you left," his dad chimed in with a smirk. Axel glared at him.

"So I've heard," Roxas replied smoothly.

She patted down his hair and cupped his face in her hands before getting weepy and hugging him again. Very attentively, Roxas returned the embrace and then increased the pressure, hiding his face in her shoulder. He missed this, but was too proud to ever admit it. Axel smiled in spite of himself, warmth filling the air around him again.

He spent the night in his old room, staying up the whole night talking and playing video games with him. The parents came in once to tell them to keep it down, eyeing the mess of soda cans, candy wrappers, and french-fry bags with curiosity and horror. The two just smiled and pleaded in their expression for the adult figure to leave again so they could play guitar hero like maniacs.

The alarm woke them; Axel groaned and rolled onto his pillow to turn it off. The pillow groaned in response and it took him a second to realize pillows don't make sound and roll off his company. Roxas rubbed at his eyes and yawned. "How long did we sleep?"

"Couple hours," Axel admitted. "How typical."

Roxas laughed slightly and rolled out of bed, making the short walk across the hall to his old room and finding fresh, crisp clothes that were piled in disoriented stacks in his closet. He came back in his favorite attire with a checkered wrist band; Axel rolled his eyes at the color and wore black. Lots of black. Even his boxers were black. He liked to match everything when possible. Roxas waited with him outside for the bus and dreaded going to school. The entire bus erupted into cheers the second they saw him, patting his shoulders and hollering how wonderful it was to see him and Axel together again. It felt like a pang to the redhead's heart every time he had to tell them different. They cheered regardless of the chasm being ripped into Axel's chest.

When they got to school, Roxas's reluctance began to show. He stayed further and further away from Axel until a redhead girl rushed up to him. "Where were you last night?"

"Talking to Axel."

"Talking?" She repeated "You expect me to believe that?"

"I would hope you had that much faith in your boyfriend."

She drew back slightly, a gross look on her face. "I don't like you talking to him."

"I can't just not talk to him."

"Yes you can, it's called keeping your mouth shut."

Axel could see Roxas's hardening expression and followed his gut to stay away.

"I'll talk to whoever the hell I want to."

"I don't like it!" she yelled, fists curling at her sides.

"You'll get over it," he said calmly.

Axel watched, mildly horrified as she drew back and punched his shoulder, sending him a step or two backwards before he recaptured his footing. It didn't hurt him further than his pride, but Axel didn't like it. He crossed over to him with a murderous expression. Kairi looked annoyed when he stood between them. "Hit him again. I dare you."

She looked pissed off. "He's MY boyfriend."

"That gives you right to hit him?"

"Axel it didn't even hurt," Roxas pleaded from behind him.

"I don't care, she shouldn't hit you. You don't hit her." Axel retorted with a glance over his shoulder. He turned his attention to her again. "I don't care if you _are _a girl, if that's what you are," her jaw dropped. "If I ever see you hit him again, I will punch you."

"Is that a _threat_?"

"No dumb-bitch it's a compliment," he snapped. "On second thought, that's probably the nicest thing you'll ever hear me to say to you."

He stepped away when he felt Roxas's hand tighten on his shoulder. "Excuse him, he's just…" he looked at the redhead's turned back for a word, "protective."

"I don't want you seeing him." She grated. "Ever."

"Or what?" Roxas ventured.

"I'll break up with you."

He raised an eyebrow, "really?"

"Really." She confirmed. "Him, the one that got you kicked out." She said with a point in Axel's direction. "Or me," she pointed to herself, "the one who gave you a place to stay." Her tone was cocky and arrogant, pitched to the point it burned his ears.

Roxas looked downward and then smirked. "I guess it's over then."

Her jaw dropped and he walked away. A grin split across his fave, and he was so hysterical he couldn't fight it. "What's with you?" Axel asked. "you look like you're about to kill a puppy."

"I'm," he started. "I'm single. Bros before 'hos."

He looked up to see startled green eyes, "you broke up with Kairi?"

"Yup," he said plainly. "Guess I'm staying with you again… if that's okay?"

Axel's face split into a grin, "Are you gonna drink all my soda again?"

"Every damn time you get a new case."

They exchanged grins, ignoring Kairi's choked sob as she began falsifying tears in the distance. Axel put an arm around his friend. "Good to have ya back."


	10. Chapter 10

-_-_-_-Somewhere-_-_-_-

"God it's good to be back," Roxas sighed as he fell backwards onto his bed. He rolled onto his side and looked out the window. "Never thought I'd be so happy to break up with someone…"

"She was a bitch," Axel said calmly.

He jolted upward and the redhead waved from his doorway. "Door was open," he said as he leaned on it.

"Oh," Roxas said dumbly.

"She didn't deserve you Roxas."

"Yeah, but I can't shake the feeling it's the other way around."

"You didn't deserve her?" Axel thought aloud. "Damn Roxas, what did you do to merit that kind of punishment?"

He laughed. "Shut up."

Axel laughed and stepped inside, just grateful the blonde was back.

"How long will it be before I leave again?" he murmured.

"Let's hope not," Axel smirked as he took the blonde's side. "Unless their something you haven't told me."

Roxas quieted and sat up, "Sora came back…. Couple days ago."

Axel visibly flinched. "What?"

Roxas said nothing; he sat up and looked Axel in the eyes. His expression told him everything. "I'll kill him. I'll fucking kill him," he said jumping up and pacing the room.

"There's nothing you can do Axel," he pleaded, grabbing his arm, "about Sora, but there is something you can do for me."

Axel looked down at the big blue eyes, watching him with a strange certainty.

"Please."

Axel answered by pressing his lips to his, closing the distance between them, and leaning on one hand as Roxas was pushed onto the bed. The sounds of passion soon filled the room, their bodies grinding together and the rustle of fabric as it came off their bodies. Axel nipped at the sensitive lobe of Roxas's ear, drawing a soft groan from the blonde. "S-stop."

Roxas's hand on Axel's chest made him freeze, despite his lust and despite his need he felt sadness to see the blonde so shaken. He ran a shaking hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, I'm so stupid."

"You're not stupid Roxas," he soothed, brushing a hair from his face.

"I want to so bad… and I…"

"You can Roxas," Axel continued, "Just not in a way you thought."

"What… what do you mean?"

Axel chuckled, "I'm going to let you top."

Roxas stared at him for a timeless second, watching curiously as Axel pulled him on top of him.

"Make me yours Roxas…"

"You're… you're sure?" Axel pulled him down for a brief kiss and Roxas smiled. "Okay then."

Axel winced as a finger slid into him, hissing slightly. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Axel breathed slowly. "Just weird is all." His eyes darted across the ceiling, as if the patterns in the popcorn design would tell him the words.

Roxas slid another finger in and began scissoring him open, slowly and carefully. Axel made unpleasant faces at the sensation. "I have to, or I might hurt you," Roxas soothed, using his free had to brush against Axel's length. The redhead sighed in response. "What?"

"That felt really good," Axel breathed.

Roxas continued the ministration until Axel was beginning to move with him, telling him silently that he was prepared. "You're sure?"

"Yes I'm sure," Axel breathed, eyes half lidded with lust, clouded with sin.

Roxas pressed inside him and Axel winced, neck tightening at the intrusion. "R-relax," Roxas choked. "You have to relax."

He gave the redhead a moment to adjust, curse words occasionally lacing his breath. He felt too hands slip up to his back, "I'm ready."

Roxas began a slow pace, Axel riding the waves of pleasure as he plunged deeper into his body, burying himself entirely. When Axel twitched, almost violently, with intense pleasure he knew he'd found his prostate, using angles to brush that same place over and over again as the tightness got the better of him and his primal instinct made his speed increase. Their breaths matched their pace, fast and erratic until the end, Axel spilling onto his stomach and Roxas's lower chest. Roxas followed suit soon after, barely having the energy to withdraw and hold himself up.

It occurred to him his neck hurt. "Did you bite me?"

"Sorry," Axel apologized. "Couldn't help it."

"It hurts." Axel ignored the flare of pain as he sat up and kissed the tender spot, using his arm to pull Roxas down beside him.

They stared at each other for a timeless moment, soaking in the afterglow. Axel ruined it by saying, "looks like my mom owes my dad money."

"What?" Roxas breathed quickly.  
"They had a bet that of where I would be if we had sex. Mom won apparently," he said with a light chuckle.

Roxas grinned. "You're parents are crazy…"

As if on cue- the garage door started to open. They cussed in unison and the adrenaline made it so Axel could rush into his bathroom. "Dibs on the shower!"

"You bastard!" Roxas yelled as he speed dressed. His parents came in to find a messy hair Roxas in disheveled clothing smoking a cigarette outside and Axel a few minutes later, drying out his natural spikes and laughing nervously as he clearly said, "Mom… dad owes you fifty bucks."

Her eyes widened and his dad's jaw slackened slightly as he slid outside with Roxas, pulling out a piece of gum.

They sat down on the porch swing and watched the sun go down, oblivious to the sparkle of binoculars in the distance, at set of blue eyes watching angrily.


	11. Chapter 11

-_-_-_-Everywhere-_-_-_-

Axel walked hand in hand with him again, weaving in through the crowd of people with the blindfolded Roxas. "Axel, where are we going?"  
"I told you it's a surprise." He continued to drag him through the crowd until his hand touched the stage, pulling Roxas up beside him. The strum of guitars caught his attention and the blindfold fell away. He looked up to see a band of familiar faces. He was dumbstruck the second he saw him.

The strum of a familiar song, Dead or Alive, floated through the air as the crowd screamed. "You're most played list never lies Rox! Happy Birthday!"

"Oh my God! I've never heard of Nickelback playing this song!"

"I put in a word for you," Axel said slyly.

"Yeah right, how much did you pay them!?"

"I just said the most beautiful blonde in the world loved their band and loved that song, so they said 'sure Axel we'll play it.'"

"You liar!"

"You don't believe me?"

"As much as I believe at the bottom of forty stories there was a crate full of marshmallows!"

"Yeah your right, I just bought tickets I really had no idea!"

Roxas laughed and they screamed and jumped around like maniacs. Roxas even started smoking at one point, enjoying the moment until a mosh pit started forming, out of protective instinct, he pushed Axel out. "Roxas!"

Roxas was weaving his way out of the crowd, trying to find him and desperately searching. He yelled his name in vain. "Looking for me?"

"Axel?" He turned around and his heart stopped. Someone screamed and lurched away, starting a chain reaction as Roxas looked down the barrel of a gun. His eyes fixated on the equal blue. "Hello my little whore."

"Sora…"

Axel fought his way through the screaming crowd, calling out Roxas's name in desperation. The band stopped playing and looked startled as they ushered away. His heart and soul froze when he found the blonde at gunpoint, staring at the brunette holding the weapon. His rage flared up, it was Roxas's birthday, a day of joy and happiness and he was at the barrel of a gun.

"What do you want?" Roxas choked. "Just name it."

"Begging are we Roxas? That's so unlike you."

A tear rolled down his cheek. He thought of Axel as Riku sidled up beside Sora with a hand on his shoulder. Axel looked around, where were law enforcement? Roxas licked his lips and the grip on the gun tightened, sending Axel into a panic. "ROXAS!"

The gun turned and fired, Roxas watching numbly as a head of red hair fell to the ground, Sora cursed and disappeared, Riku staring numbly before exiting quickly as Roxas jumped to his side and cradled his head in his lap as the screams of fear turned into screams for help. The world seemed to quiet as Axel gripped Roxas's upper arm, he tried to form words and failed. The blonde's tears mingled with the blood from the hole in Axel's lower chest, pressurized by both of their hands. He tried again and managed a strangled croak of a sentence, the blonde knew it by heart.

"I love you Roxas…"

-_-_-_-UNHAPPY ENDING-_-_-_-

His green eyes slid closed and Roxas went into hysterics, "NO! nonononono!!!! NO AXEL! You can't die on me! I LOVE YOU! DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!! _AXEL!!!!!"_

The paramedics broke the timeless forever and pulled the hysterical Roxas away, screaming and crying a storm of tears that never seemed to fade as they began working on the redhead in a slow motion that made his heart shatter.

A few police officers rushed past, hands on their guns and a few shots were heard, but Roxas was too focused on the dying redhead to notice. He blanked out as Axel was put into the ambulance, and when he woke up he was in a chair beside the redhead. The line went dead. Nurses checked the clock.

"Axel," Roxas said slowly, opening the hazardous waste basket and taking out a syringe. He lowered the blanket over Axel's flawless face and curled up beside him, filling the syringe with air. "I love you too."

He laid his head on the cooling shoulder and injected the point into his arm, pressing with his thumb until it was empty. "See you soon." He tossed it aside and curled into quiet Axel's chest, wrapping his arm over his chest and closing his eyes until he drifted into an eternal slumber.

Nobody but you cares about nobodies.

-_-_-_-HAPPY ENDING-_-_-_-

His green eyes slid closed and Roxas went into hysterics, "NO! nonononono!!!! NO AXEL! You can't die on me! I LOVE YOU! DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!! _AXEL!!!!!"_

Roxas woke up in the hospital; the rhythmic beeping had lolled him to sleep. He put a hand over the unconscious redheads and squeezed. He gasped when there was a slight pressure on his hand, looking up from it to see green eyes flutter open. He jabbed the nurse button and the emerald eyes looked confused. "Are you okay?"

"Who cares about me? You got shot Axel!" Roxas started crying fat, happy tears that rolled down his cheeks.

"Once you said, 'nobody'… but…" Axel replied, licking his dry lips with an equally dry tongue. "Hello somebody."

Roxas's hand intertwined with his. "Hi."

Axel smiled as the nurses rushed in.

Roxas never visited Sora and Riku in jail.

-_-_-_-THE END-_-_-_-

I'm not sure which ending I like best…. Both seem right to me.


End file.
